Because Sunday's game is such a spectacle, there's a good chance everyone you follow on social media is watching. And we all know what that means: hilarious, astute commentary on every over-the-top play and mildly humorous commercial. JK, no.
And yet the tweets keep coming: Last year's event prompted 24.1 million tweets, a world record that will probably be toppled when it all goes down again in a few days. Horrifying.
There are plenty of ways to deal with this tidal wave of social media, and we're here to help. Below, the Good To Be Bad team outlines the Twitter guidelines you'll need to survive the game.
1. Don't be part of the problem
Twitter is the one opportunity to do something you wouldn't have the restraint or wherewithal to do when holding people captive with your witty repartee: think about that joke before hitting send! For five minutes, even. The marketing guys with that hilarious talking dog commercial didn't hire you to write the jokes, so no need to hastily riff on it to your followers as though a bomb's about to go off if you don't spit it out ASAP.
2. Unless you're a football coach, don't remark on the play that we all just saw
The most common mistake people make when live-tweeting events is assuming their television is 15 seconds faster than everyone else's. It isn't — we're all watching the same rushes, passes and turnovers at the same time. Tweeting a one-word reaction to an amazing play misses the point of social media entirely. You're supposed to reorient the moment and add new insight — not point out something insanely obvious.
3. Twitter flies when you're having fun
Have you noticed that sometimes, when you're having fun, you forget to check your phone for long periods of time? This is a common occurrence at parties, concerts, bars — people are so distracted by actual life (or booze...or both) that they forget there's an accessible network of half-strangers blabbing on about nothing just a finger swipe away. Be one of those people.
4. 'Block' and 'Unfollow' are your friends
Here's your chance to unfollow that person you kinda hate but can't seem to shake off on social media. They're practically giving you permission to unfollow them any time they live-tweet an event; so don't miss this fantastic opportunity to banish their inane commentary from your feed once and for all. It'll feel so good! You can also mute retweets, to silence that one person whose thoughts on the game are so profund that they can be borrowed from someone else. Someone you're not even following. You don't need that noise.
5. Go cold turkey 'til the game is over
And if you want to get extreme, you should delete the Twitter application from your phone. That should save you all the stress and rage that comes with tweeting during some big, obvious, nationwide event. I can guarantee you: there is nothing you are missing. No one you follow on Twitter is that funny or that insightful. Watch the football game. The bad tweets aren't going anywhere.
6. When all else fails, curate carefully
If you're not feeling sadistic enough to unfollow everyone you know but masochistic enough to stay on Twitter through the game, add a few trusted tweeters to a list. It'll keep you away from your regular feed, and you can monitor people you wouldn't otherwise, like Darnell Dockett or the always fascinating Richard Sherman.
It goes without saying that while most tweeters are rote and ordinary, there are some that you should never unfollow. Namely, @JaguarUSA, @Deadspin, @TomHiddleston, et cetera. You should follow them blindly and cast off everyone else. Why, exactly? Well, because it's #GoodToBeBad.
Image by Michael Erazo-Kase